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Matt (cml.)
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Matt (cml.) Very interesting concept album with a loud, personal thread throughout the tracklist and a cathartic asortment of noise.
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1.
Becoming-It 04:40
2.
3.
Won't You 04:30
4.
Fifth Grade 03:59
5.
6.
Mutt 08:20
7.
First Time 05:36
8.
When I was in high school I met this girl. Long chestnut hair, dark eyes. It took me some time to understand what I felt. It wasn't love. It was the desire to become. I adopted her mannerisms, her interests, I wore the same clothes and learned French. But this wasn't a becoming. This was just aesthetic imitation. Is it any wonder why I would have seen a girl and not seen her herself but a reflection of my desires. My envy of her, my knowing that I am not her. It was not through imitating her that I would become-woman, nor through transformation into her. It was through my relation to women that I would have my becoming. Years of becoming-woman did not give me what I wanted. I had many relations to women and many becomings-woman but I was not satisfied. Long I thought and reflected and lived, I met other imitators and through them I realized what I wanted. I did not want to become-woman. I wanted to make a mockery of woman. A mockery of cis woman. A mockery of the State. I wanted to become-It. The It exists outside societal constructions, It exists in opposition to the construction of man and woman. It is neither and It is both. It is subversive imitation of the constructed binary, for the purpose of mockery and creation of the new gender. And thus it also exists in opposition to the State. And as I put on my makeup in my pantyhose and skirt, to talk to Its, to perform-Its, I realized something. I do not need to become-It. I am already It. And I am contagious.
9.
Who counts how many cocks they've sucked? Especially when you're doing it behind your cis girlfriend's back for 20 bucks. Being a young fag boy has its perks. And you know I tried to be straight, I tried to be a good little boy who goes to college and gets a real job. Assimilate. But once I tasted my first cock, it was over. I've always been a faggot. That's what they've always called me. And when they weren't saying faggot they were thinking it. You faggot. You little faggot. You fucking faggot. Well I showed them. They tried to beat it out of me, well I showed them. I became the girlfriend that sucked 37 dicks, I became the cocksucking champion. And you know what? It feels good. To taste cum, to have it pumped down my throat. To have a girl call me a good little fag boy as she cums in me. My cock leaking on the bed. I crave it. Fag sex is the only sex. And once you realize that, you'll want nothing else. She fixes a collar around my neck and puts me on a leash. She cages my cock. I am her pet. A hole for her to use. I lick her boots, the only boots I'll ever lick. Humiliation. I know what I am. A good boy. A good girl. A good fag that does what its told. She shares me with her friends, she lets them all have a turn. I know my place: On my knees. I am everything I ever wanted to be.
10.
Do you like this? Don't beg me, make me. Force my head down. Facefuck me. Gag me. Don't let me just do what I want. Control me. Make me ask to masturbate. Make me ask to piss. You want me don't you? You'll do this for me won't you? Come closer. Hit me. Bruise me. Fuck me. Aren't you man enough? You love me don't you? Then you'll hurt me won't you? Then you'll rape me won't you?
11.
It's funny to you isn't it. I can hear you laughing while you drown the faggot. Letting it come up for air to extend the process. Don't lie to me shithead, you know what you're doing: Instilling fear. It kisses boys doesn't it? It acts weird doesn't it? Better torture that out. You better teach it. Make sure it doesn't get any ideas. Push its head down. Make it drink. Tell me shithead: Does it cry? Does it scream? Or does it just take it. Knowing nobody runs to help a fucking fag boy. It'll never be the same. And that's the goal isn't it. Where are your parents shithead? They don't care, do they? They cheer you on. You're doing exactly like they taught you. Letting the sadist out on the gay kid. It might get ideas if you don't scar it for life, it might think it's not a worthless degenerate. So drown the faggot won't you, drown the fucking faggot.
12.
I've been on estradiol for a bit and like it was calm for a while, I wasn't horny at all, but then 9 months hit and now I suddenly crave dick all the time. I'm just like cruising for guys on grindr. My girlfriend is only down to fuck so many times a week, I gotta get dick somewhere. Don't just text me and leave me, I wanna meet and fuck. If you don't have a place I can suck you off in your car. Climb into your seat and sit on your cock. Or you can bend me over the hood so I can see our reflections while you fuck my ass. Pull on my collar and I'll gladly choke on your cock. Put me on a leash and I'll do anything you want. Bend me over and dick me, use me, I wanna to feel you cum in me. I'm a cockslut and I need to get fucked. Head burning, heart beating, cock aching, I need you in me. Shove me down. Slap my ass. Rub me through my panties. Touch my chest. Make me whine. Make me beg for it. Tease me until I can't take anymore. Then rearrange my guts. I don't really care if it's a cock or a dildo at this point, it's just like I just need someone to put something in my ass. So as long as you can do that you're golden. I need it. I need it. I need it. I need it.
13.
Mutt (orig) 08:20
Lily white skin Button nose Blue eyes The ideal I wanted to be them But lain is a mutt Can't be like them They cast me out Ridicule me For thinking I can be them They can smell it My blood Impure Tainted Creepy fag boy For existing Don't touch the white girls Filthy spic Young faggot Molested Groomed Coerced A fetish Latine femboy White chaser has her way Ingratiation False safety Model minority Happy with slurs Thrown away Served my purpose Chopping block getting closer Don't touch the white girls Filthy spic Can't like us Filthy spic Who let the mutt in Who let the mutt in
14.

about

tw for explicit sexual content, slurs, and topics of sexual abuse, rape, racism, and transphobia

pls be nice to me im trying my best - lain

recorded on cassette

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released June 28, 2020

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